They Wrote The Book
by Starquilter57
Summary: Ever wonder where those chapters in that famous self-help book came from? Mention of S/U Not sure how to rate it, T to be safe


Don't own 'em, not making any money from 'em. I'll be long gone before JOS (The Inter-Species) Version ever hits the bookstores!

**They Wrote The Book**

Hilda Ramirez had a tough assignment. She had recently been hired by a famous publishing house to help update one of their most popular books ever. Hilda and her team would be working on The Joy of Sex (The Inter-Species Version). No changes in the volume had been made for over twenty years, even though humans had "invaded" much more of the known galaxy. Also, you could find non-humans in most Terran cities now. The book needed to change with the times.

Hilda held a doctorate in psychology and specialized in sex therapy. In nearly eight years of practice, she had heard it all, or enough of it that she was longer shocked even when something new did come along. Hilda did not embarrass easily, except when she had to ask a favor of someone.

The subject matter of the book was obvious, helping inter-species couples find sexual fulfillment. In doing their research, Hilda's team had conducted hundreds of interviews with numerous couples. Humans and Orions, Humans and Andorians, Humans and Tellarites, etc. The only combination missing was Human and Vulcan.

It was rumored that this particular combination happened more often than popularly believed. However, those involved in a Human-Vulcan relationship kept quiet about it, staying "in the closet", as it were. This was due to disapproval on the part of both cultures, especially the Vulcan one.

One high-profile couple was paving the way. Sarek, Vulcan's Ambassador to the Federation and his Human wife Amanda Grayson had boldly gone where no such couple had gone before, ...publicly. They were both highly successful professionals, well regarded in their fields, who had frequently faced down extreme prejudice. Married seven years, they had a young son. Obviously, they were sexually active!

Amanda was also Hilda's friend, an old college roommate. Now, Hilda needed to impose upon that friendship. Would Sarek and Amanda even listen to her request with an open mind, let alone be willing to help?

Hilda had heard from a mutual friend, Lucinda, that Sarek and Amanda would be spending a few months at the Vulcan Embassy in San Francisco. Hilda lived in Oakland, not far away. She contacted Amanda and arranged a lunch date, warning her in advance: "I have a really big favor to ask of you."

Amanda met her at Wong's not far from the Vulcan Embassy. They chatted over Dim Sum and tea.

Finally, Amanda asked "What is this favor?"

"Well, the publishing house is finally updating The Joy of Sex (The Inter-Species Version)."

"And it's about time, too. There was nothing is that stupid book about Humans with Vulcans. Sarek and I were not the first. We really could have used some assistance."

"Amanda, there still won't be anything about Humans with Vulcans, unless you and Sarek help out. You and I both know that there are other Human-Vulcan couples that just don't dare make themselves known. They have no place to turn for questions about sex. Remember what the beginning was like for you, and show some compassion. Write a few chapters for the book, anonymously, of course."

"I'll talk to Sarek, I don't think he'll go for it, but I'll try. However, you need to realize that even if we agree to this, you won't have covered all of your bases. You'll only have Vulcan male with Human female. There'd have to be Human male with Vulcan female, two males, two females..."

"I know, Amanda, but at least it would be a start."

"Okay, I'll speak to him tonight. No promises."

***********************

Sarek was in a good mood. He had spent a pleasant afternoon doing a woodworking project with his little son Spock. Amanda had given their Domestic Assistant T'Rysa the night off, and prepared them a simple vegetable and pasta dish. After bathing his son, and putting him to bed with a story, Sarek was in a fairly good mood. He also thought he smelled chocolate. Perhaps Amanda planned to give him some later.

"Beloved, how was your lunch with Hilda?"

"It was very interesting. Remember that little "how to" book we bought when we were first married?"

"Yes. It was not very helpful, as I recall. We were, for the most part, on our own."

"Well, Hilda has been hired to update that book. She has asked for our help, anonymously, of course. She would like us to write a few chapters, to help out other couples like us. Couples who dare not ask for help from professionals."

Sarek thought for a moment of the six Vulcan-Human couples they knew, none of whom dared to make their relationships public. He suspected there were many others.

"I will agree to this, on two conditions. The first is Pon Farr must not be mentioned. That knowledge is only for those involved with Vulcans. It is no one else's business. The second condition is that no part of our bodies shall be photographed."

"I agree, my husband. Our purpose in this is to help those in need, not to satisfy the merely curious. The publishing company will supply illustrations where needed. This should not be so difficult. We have both written textbooks before. Here, I made you a little chocolate mousse for inspiration."

"Now, we should start making notes on the topics Hilda recommended that we cover..."

***************************

NOTES FOR RECOMMENDED CHAPTERS

Anatomical Differences

Her first sight of Sarek naked was like her first peek at a Ken doll. Something appeared to be missing. In fact, everything was there, just fully retractable. When all was revealed, there was no disappointment.

He found the concept of a hymen very disturbing. It upset him greatly that there would be pain and blood.

She has hair down there! It is absolutely fascinating.

Physiological Differences

His ears and fingers are erogenous zones.

He can control his level of arousal.

He is like that pink bunny on the solar battery commercial. He keeps going and going...

Hickeys REALLY turn him on, REALLY.

Bonding means that the other person literally gets inside your head. They can feel what you feel. There is no "faking", nor any need to.

Her "lunar" cycle took some getting used to. She eats chocolate when she can't have sex. She feeds it to him to rid him of inhibitions, put him in the mood.

Cultural Differences

She wants him to kiss her WHERE? He feels much better about this when he discovers that she means to kiss him too.

Lingerie. High heels. Nail polish. It hardly seemed logical. Who knew?

She marks him with the clothes she buys him and with her favorite fuchsia lipstick. He marks her with hickeys and bite marks, mostly where they won't show. He really enjoys it when she bites him, begs for it, actually. Hmm, this may explain all the hoodies and long-sleeves popular in Vulcan fashion. They're just covering up the evidence!

No public displays of affection, except for their entwined fingers. This doesn't look like a big deal to outsiders. This connection between bond-mates is actually incredibly sexy, sometimes more than she can handle.

Positions

He is quite tall and very flexible. He is also strong enough to hold her in midair or balance her on his thighs. They have tried the whole of the Kama Sutra. Some pages are dog-eared. The same goes for a similar ancient Vulcan text, the name of which she can not pronounce. Its name means "The Exercise of Love."

These Earth people are actually quite clever. They have designed an entire line of furniture for the sole purpose of supporting the body during intercourse. This saves much wear and tear on one's back and knees.

*************************

They developed these notes into the chapters Hilda recommended. It was a rather enjoyable process, with lots of research and verification involved. The type of study that required locked doors and sound-proofing, and of course, chocolate. Sarek and Amanda "worked" diligently on their project, whenever they had a spare moment. Finally, the four chapters were finished and handed over to Hilda.

Eight months later, Hilda presented them with a fat check and thirty-six copies of the book. They deposited the check in Spock's savings account. They gave copies to all the Vulcan-Human couples they knew, now fifteen in number. Amanda insisted they hide one away for their son, just in case. Sarek placed it in a brown paper bag and locked it up in his desk drawer. He forgot about it for years.

**************************

Spock and Nyota were shopping at a book store in San Francisco, looking for some sturdy new books for Azizi. The little one was teething, so they needed something "chew" proof.

There was a woman Spock thought he recognized giving a book-signing.

"Nyota, I believe that is an old friend of my mother's. I would like to say hello to her and introduce you."

"Okay, Why not?"

They pushed the stroller over to the woman's table.

"Good afternoon, Dr. Ramirez."

Hilda looked up. Ah, Amanda's son. "Hello, Spock! How nice to see you. Who have you brought with you today?" Hilda, of course knew about Spock's wife. This couple was as high-profile as Sarek and Amanda had been. That is what happens when you help save a planet.

"This is my wife Nyota and my son Azizi. The signing seems to be going well."

He looked over the titles, mostly books she had helped edit and compile, a few she had written solo. They were all self-help books, mostly dealing sexual function. One was very familiar. Nyota recognized it too, and smiled.

He pointed it out to Hilda. "We have found this one to be quite instructional."

"I'm so very glad to hear that. I will be finished here in a few minutes. Would you two consider meeting me in the food court? There's something I need to ask you about."

Spock glanced at Nyota, who returned his gaze and shrugged. "That would be agreeable."

They pushed the stroller to the checkout and paid for Azizi's books. Ten minutes later, Hilda joined then in the food court. Azizi was chewing on a soft pretzel.

"I need your help with the new version of The Joy of Sex (The Inter-Species Version). It would be done anonymously, of course. You are both published authors, and quite capable of writing scholarly text. This book was last updated over twenty-five years ago."

"I do not know." Spock shifted in his seat a bit. "My father might not approve of us being involved in such a project. We have repaired our relationship, so I would not be comfortable keeping secrets from him."

"Spock, I don't think your father would have a problem with it at all. He and your mother were involved with the publication of the last edition. In fact, when it comes to information on Vulcan-Human sexual relations, your parents wrote the book."


End file.
